Subject: [NATIMS] Product Recall


From the message board at swallow-swallow.com

 Rangers FC commercial department would like to announce the recall of the following products :

 1) Rangers soap. It has come to our attention that the instructions for
the aforementioned product confused many of our customers. We will therefore re-issue the product with an accompanying glossary explaining the concepts "wash" and "hygiene."

 2) Rangers new low-fat spread, Tore "I can't believe it's not better" Flo.
We have received complaints that this product was overpriced and failed to give adequate satisfaction.

 3) Ronald de Boer masks. The NSPCC have asked us to remove this from sale on the grounds that it was frightening young children.

 4) Caat in the Haat's compilation of match reports. It has come to our attention that Mr Caat was not in fact in attendance at any of the games on which he has reported and was instead basing the reports on recreations of matches played on FIFA 2001 on his Playstation.

 5) The Rangers FC guide to Irish history. Unfortunately we have noticed several typographical errors in this book. The sentence "the tricolour is
intended to represent both communities of Ireland, with green and orange separated by the white of peace" was inexplicably rendered as "the tricolur is the bloody flag of republican terrorism."

 6)Barry Ferguson's new guide to the English language - "How To Speak Proper Like What Ah Do", in which the sections "gramer" and "punctuashon" contained innumerable mistakes, some of which appear to have been copied by certain customers posting on unofficial websites.

 7)The "Rangers Songs" CD is being recalled on the grounds that the new unexpurgated version was considered a failure. The removal of all sectarian
and fascist lyrics has left both songs effectively devoid of meaning.

 8)The Glasgow Rangers first aid kit. It appears that this has the effect of exacerbating rather than alleviating existing injuries. It appears that those suffering injuries as a result of the kit have found themselves suffering from consequent psychological difficulties including compulsive excuse-inventing.